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May 29, 2011

uncertainty

i am not normally one to get too personal on this space, but i'm going through a tough time at the moment, and i think i just need to let this out into the universe. i don't think i've ever mentioned it, but last summer my boyfriend moved from austin to virginia. well, on wednesday, i got a job offer at a school there, and i'm pretty sure i'm going to take it.

the thing is, i am totally terrified. while all things with this job look really promising (and, frankly, better than my current one), i won't really know until i get there. i had a pretty rough school year this year, but it might turn out that devil i know is better than the devil i don't. there's no real reason to think that things will fall apart with eric, but they might.

when i moved to austin, i had nothing to lose, but that is no longer the case. i have some work friends i love, and i had some really, really wonderful students, and i feel terrible that i didn't give them a proper goodbye. i just hate the idea of them going to my room next year to say hi and seeing a stranger in there instead. austin hasn't felt like home since eric left, but it's still hard to think about leaving.

i think moving is a risk that i need to take, but right now it is just terrifying. do you have any advice for me? i'd love to hear it.

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